BLACK CLOUD

I went to the doctor yesterday and was given the green light to go on my trip to Africa with the understanding that I will come back in a month in order to get a Pet Scan. It is time to see if the medication is working. We scheduled the Pet Scan and a blood test for the day after I come home. The following day I will see my doctor and get an infusion for my bones. I told my doctor that I will then leave eight days later for Vietnam, then to Thailand, and then Bali and I would be back in 3 months to get another Pet Scan. My doctor, after learning of my plans, suggested that I was moving too fast. What if he needed to change my medication again, what if the cancer was progressing? My response was, if I had to return due to a health issue or if I was not tolerating the medicine, then I would just come back home. I would not do anything that would sacrifice my health. If I do have to change my medication, I will have 8 days to see if I tolerate the new medication and if I do, I am going to leave on my journey. I know that I will have to get a blood test to see if my body is tolerating the new medication, to see if no organs are shutting down. I will go to the hospital in Thailand and get a blood test and find out. If there is a problem, I will definitely come back home.

I have been thinking about how it would have been to travel without this black cloud over my head. I had at one point grown tired of traveling both physically and mentally, it is hard to travel continuously with all the new locations, constant stimuli and perpetual motion; however, I would not have come back home. I would have gone to a beach town or a yoga facility for a few weeks and got my mojo back again. I would not have thought for a moment that I should stop. But this was not an option, I had to come back home to check on my health.

Knowing and planning for my treatments is my black cloud that I have over my head for the rest of my life. Knowing that I could one day face a real storm in my life is not unrealistic. However, until that storm occurs I shall walk, no let’s say run towards the sun and find the blue skies. I am not courageous, as some people say I am. I am just not succumbing to my condition. I am fighting to enjoy my life every single day that I have left. You do not need courage, just the will and understanding that you have really nothing more to lose by living your life. If not, you have already lost it. Find your own happiness, pleasure, love, smile and laugh. Find some time everyday to do something for yourself. There are no guarantees in life, not even for the healthy. A bus can hit you, a lightening bolt can get you, you can die of a myriad of medical conditions without any warning. So live your life to the fullest while you can.

Life is not merely Surviving!!!!