THE CONTRACT

I finally signed the building contract for my new home in Costa Rica. I am going forward with the project!! I will have a home here. A place that I can call my own and a place that I hopefully will fully enjoy.

My initial hesitation was twofold; first it was the money, how can I justify spending so much and the hardest part for me was wrapping my head around the fact that it was me, myself, alone, making such a big decision without Lewis by my side. We were together for over fifty years and he was my confidant, he was my sounding board, and we never made such decisions independently. And my whole life in a sense will be changed. I will be somewhere, doing something that Lewis was not even remotely a part of. Yes, we did travel to Costa Rica for over thirty years and yes, he loved Costa Rica, but still this is something we just talked about, and the last time we were here we had decided to just come back more frequently as tourists.
Another disquieting question that comes into my mind, every so often, while making this decision and I am sure it will not subside anytime soon is, am I crazy to do this? I have Stage 4 Cancer and I will be 70 years old in a few weeks, will I live to see the house finished? Will I have ample time to enjoy it when it is done? All these questions and thoughts rattle around in my brain, is quite disconcerting.

Some of you will question my statement that I have Stage 4 Cancer. I understand the question, because I have been cancer free for a year and a half. I am told that it is still considered Stage 4. I think it is because my cancer spread initially into areas that are inoperable, and it can spread there again. I am being checked for cancer via a Petscan, every six months since the cancer was removed from my iliac bone and liver, before then, it used to be every three months. The duration between scans depends on the 3D images and the radiology report. I know that when I am anticipating the next Petscan. I will ask over and over again in my head, am I crazy, am I crazy, am I crazy!!!!. But then I think that no one is guaranteed to be alive for any length of time. I could die of cancer or I could be hit by a bus. Who knows? I can live one more day or I can be fortunate or unfortunate enough, to live to a hundred years old. There is no saying.

So, I just have to assume that I will live, and therefore, I must keep on moving forward. Life is that way! No guarantees and the duration of one’s life is really a crap shoot!! Those that are sick, live and those that are healthy, die!!. So, live your life as if you will live to a hundred and three!!. Do that which will make you happy!. Find a project, smile every day, have something to look forward to and don’t give up!!!. Push forward, whether your despair is due to health or the loss of a loved one, it is up to you if you can see the light at the end of the tunnel!!!

Life is not merely surviving!!!!