SO….

So, there is so much that has happened since my last blog that I do not know where to start. Well actually there is one that takes precedence over all the other events. And that is Lewis’s birthday was this week. I commemorated the day of his death just recently, but this day was much more difficult. You see, on this day He should have been celebrating the day with me. Not that we ever went over the top with birthdays, but we always did something fun, nice or loving. When we were in Idaho we would celebrate the day with a friend who had a birthday within two days of Lewis’s. When we were home we would go out to a fine restaurant, go to a concert or just stay home and cook an extravagant dinner. What ever it was, we were together and enjoying the day. It is so different the day one dies. That day you expect to be sad. But on the birthday of the person who passes, the pain is overwhelming. Alone with only your thoughts and memories.

So, I went on a cruise with my sister on the Queen Mary 2. I did not know what to expect. I did no planning other than to make the reservations. It was a really great trip! We went to Scotland, Ireland, and the English Islands, and we had many days at sea. I thought I would get bored on those sailing days, but no, there was so much to do on the ship that boredom never came into play. We enjoyed it so much, we are thinking of taking a transatlantic cruise some time in the future. The food was really good, many restaurants to chose from, the shows were entertaining and the daily activities were abundant. There are two outside deck pools, one indoor pool, a spa and a water center, cabaret type shows nightly, art lessons, a planetarium with daily shows, a movie theatre, library, game room, lectures of all types. The man who designed the ship was on board discussing the planning that took place to build the ship, there was a lecturer who discussed politics, history of theatres, another lecturer who worked with M16 who lectured on Princess Diana’s demise, stolen art work and so on. But my favorite was the Royal Shakespearean troupe that put on condensed shows and taught us how to write Shakespearean monologues, how to act out a scene, and what was meant by the words chosen by the author. And we met great people. Older, more established and lovely people. The whole trip was wonderful.

Oh, I must mention, on every port stop we made, including in London we went on a walking tour. My sister who is on a walker, which they call in England a trolley, not only agreed to go on such tours, but wanted to do so. And she kept up. I give her a lot of credit. We did have fun!!

So, we were in London after the cruise for a few days and of course I could not resist going to a London hospital. I must check it out! It seems I go to a hospital in most countries and I have been to many. Well, I fractured my nose, (nice way of saying I broke it). I feel in the hotel room and hit the bottom bed frame and I saw stars. I knew it was broken the moment I hit. The copious amount of blood that flowed out of me was astonishing. I had to cup my hands together to catch the flow and run into the bathroom to stand over the sink for at least 20 minutes. An ambulance came and the medics strongly suggested that I go to the hospital. So, we did. We spent about 7 hours there to find out, yes it is broken and I was advised to go see my doctor when I get back to the states. Which I have done. Once again I was told that it is broken and I was informed that when I was in the bathroom in the hotel and pulled on my nose when I was standing over the sink bleeding, I reset my nose alignment. My doctor said that this is not unusual for a person to do. It is instinctive. Well when I did it, I heard a crack, freaked out and of course at that moment I stopped. I have to go back to see the doctor next week to see if any further realignment must be done. It was too swollen to know if it was needed this last visit. After my next visit to the doctor, I will then have to wait to see how the nose heals to determine if I will need any surgery. I hope not. At the moment, I look like a racoon, big rings around both eyes and bandages on my nose. I must say this is not how I expected to end my trip.

So, when I returned home I went immediately to see my Oncologist to discuss the various issues relating to the cancer drug I am on and the side effects I was experiencing from the drug. I took myself off of the cancer drug, Kisqali. Sometimes you have to do what you think is right based on how you are feeling, so I did. She agreed with me and further lowered my dosage. She and I both agree that I should be on some anti cancer medication that will forestall the growth of any new cancer cells as a precaution.

So, I also had my Pet Scan. And yesterday I got my results. The cancer in my liver is totally gone. The cancer in my iliac bone is smaller and duller in brilliance. I am told that the radiation is still working and It will take more time for the radiation and the effects to resolve itself in my iliac bone before a true Pet Scan reading can be conclusive. I have also been told that if the cancer is not totally removed I could get proton radiation. But my Oncologist and Radiologist both do not believe that will be necessary. Most importantly, the Pet Scan found no new cancer!!!!! I started to cry when the doctor told me the results of the Pet Scan, not from happiness, but because Lewis was not with me to hear the good news. He would have been ecstatic. After 50 years of having a constant companion to share all life’s ups and downs, being essentially alone is beyond belief and difficult to say the least. Life is shity at times!!!

So, my son came to Miami yesterday. He was with me when I discussed the findings with my Oncologist. He is staying only a short time. Then I go to California to see my daughter and her family. I cannot wait to hold all of them in my arms, especially the little one, my granddaughter!!! I then hope to see a few friends in the U.S. And then off to Costa Rica.

Life at times does suck!!! But, if you can find some happiness every day it is worth the effort. My happiness is my family, friends and traveling. I also try to do some good in this world. I find when I give of myself, whether it be in friendship, support or monetarily, I feel better. Do the same. This world is not an easy place to exist in. Everyone has their own issues, whether you see them or not. Be nice, be kind and give a bit of yourself and you will feel better. (This is coming from a person known by some to be a bitch!). Tell those you love how you feel! You may never get another chance. Stretch out a hand to an old friend. Become a part of this world, not only a patient. Do not grieve alone. And Live!!!

Life is not merely surviving!!!