ON MY WAY

I am about to embark on my next round of travels. I am going. As I said before, I have nothing else to do and I need to get out of Miami for my own well being. I am first going to see my daughter, her fiancé and my grandchild in Northern California. I am not a baby lover, actually I like puppies better. But this child has stolen my heart. I guess all grandmothers say such things, but I never thought that I would be one of them. After going to California I will be on my way to Mexico City where I will participate in the Day of the Dead. I will hold Lewis’s picture during the celebration and remember the love that we shared and all that we had when we were together. I then go to Lisbon Portugal, Valencia Spain and I was going to go to Marrakesh Morocco, but I think I will substitute another country instead. Where I will go I do not know, but I am sure I will find somewhere to go. While in Mexico my son and his girlfriend will come for the Thanksgiving holiday. I will enjoy that. My girlfriend from high school is coming to Valencia Spain and we shall play the part as tourists. This role will be easy to play.

I am now packing, which is not a simple endeavor. I have to pack for three months and I will be in areas that have warm weather, cool weather and down right cold weather. How do you get all that is needed into one suit case? I am not one of those minimalist packers. I do not know how they do it and I think I am at a point in my life that I realize that I will never know how they do it and I accept that fact. So, two big heavy suitcases are on my horizon. It is also very hard to pack without Lewis also packing beside me. I am going and I know he would want me to go, but I also feel guilty. I feel guilty to be doing something that I know he would have loved to do. I feel guilty, because I know that I will find enjoyment in my travels. I feel guilty, because I am alive and he is not.

I once wrote a blog about dying. I said in the blog that it is easier at times to die then it is to remain alive with a death of a loved one. I was talking about my own death. I realize more now then ever how true those words are. Death has a finality and I believe that the person who died is still around, not grieving their own life’s loss, but waiting for the day that their loved ones will join them. I believe that their soul, their energy is not lost, they are just not in a physical body, the container, at the moment. So I suspect that by now you have guessed, yes I believe in reincarnation. I always have. I know that I have had previous lives with Lewis. We really were and still are soul mates. And I truly believe that one day I will be with him again.

I know right now so many people are hurting. So many people have lost their lives due to violence. I know that there are those who are saying “but she/he was so young”, “they had so much to live for”, asking “how can the world be so cruel” but history shows that it has always been so cruel. There is not one time in history that you can find that the world was at peace, that people were not dying due to war or natural disasters. There are people starving and dying in this world just during the time it took you to read this blog. There are civil wars going on for years in many countries. All these miseries are occurring and the world turns a blind eye. But their loved ones grieve just as we all do. And what is going on in Israel now is not new only the magnitude of the act that occurred is new. So what is it I am trying to say here, I am not sure. I only know that we will all grieve and all of those affected by cruel acts will have their lives changed forever. It is too soon to say live your life, but a day will come that you will have to. There will be a day that you can smile again. Because that is life. It continues. Unbelievably so, it continues even without those we love.

Life is not merely surviving!!!!