NOT AGAIN!!!

I came home from a whirl wind trip. First in Idaho for quite a long time moving and selling furniture that I had from when I sold the house up in Garfield Bay and then to New York on an eating and drinking frenzy. It was exhausting, but quite a lot of fun!!!!

Then to realty. I went for my Pet Scan the day after I came home from my trip. I was on the computer when the written report from the radiologist arrived by e-mail, as a general rule, I usually do not read my reports; I usually wait until I see the doctor to hear what the results are regarding my tests. But no, this time not having had any cancer in my body for nearly a year, I was unconcerned and opened and read the report. What a Mistake!!! It indicated that I had a growth on a nodule in my lungs. And it stated that it was concerning to the radiologist!!! Needless to say, I was devastated!!! Not again, no this cannot be happening!!! Cancer, growing, now what am I going to do?

I spent two and a half days of sheer hell!!!! I was working all the angles in my head. I will not take Chemo, so what do I do now? There are no clinical trials going on that is feasible for my type of cancer. There are no new targeted therapy drugs available to fight my kind of cancer. I will not take the Chemo pill, because it is only a precursor to intravenous Chemo. So now what am I going to do? I had to come up with a plan of action. I was alone, Lewis is gone and I had to make my own decision as to what I will be willing to do. So after much consternation, I decided that I would increase the milligrams of the drug I am on now, Verzinio and incrementally increase it until I am on the full protocol dosage. I am now only taking a third of the dosage that is recommended due to the adverse affects I was previously experiencing. And then when Verzinio is no longer doing the trick, I would then go onto the other drug therapy’s I had already been on to see if they would buy me any time. Buying time is essentially what it is all about when you have cancer or any chronic disease that has no cure. And with this purchased time, hopefully, a new drug will come out that can buy you even more time.

Then I went to see my Oncologist. She said, “I was not looking forward to this meeting today.” I said, “I know, I read the report.” She then added “Not until I studied the actual films. The radiologist is an alarmist: the reports indicate a negligible growth in the lung without ascertaining whether it is cancer.” Now you can see why, one should never read their own reports!!!! I lived through hell and back to find out that I worried for nothing. Well, not completely nothing. We did decide to increase my dosage of Verzinio by another 50 milligrams. Just to be on the safe side. Five days later my Oncologist let me know that my blood test came back and Signatera is not detected; which means there is no circulating tumor DNA in my body. The blood test result further indicates that cancer is not growing in my body. Yippppeeee!!!!

I could now go on to explain, in great detail, my saga of my eye problem due to my cataract operation done three months ago, but I am tired of complaining. I will say however, I am still on eye drops, my pupil does not dilate and I have been freaked out about all this since my time in Idaho!!!! I changed eye Doctors and I am now understanding that the simple easy peasy cataract operation I had will take a lot of time to heal!!

I am leaving in four days to go to Istanbul and Greece. I am going with three friends one from elementary school, one from middle school and one from high school. This will be interesting. I am not staying home in order to see what happens with my eye. I am not staying home even though I have a growth in my lung, cancer or no cancer. I am going to travel! I am going to live! And I will worry when I have to! Right now I don’t feel the need!!! Again, it is proven that life has no guarantees!!! So live everyday as if it were your last!! Enjoy yourself, find happiness, smile and laugh as often as you can!!!! Tell someone you love them, make someone feel good! Have as many people as you can remember you with fondness!! Then you know that you have lived well and you were happy!!!

Life is not merely surviving!!!!!