CALIFORNIA HERE I COME

Here I am in Northern California. I came here to see my granddaughter. My first grandchild, brought to me by my only daughter. I must say that my granddaughter is precious, the epitome of beauty and a little person who has stolen my heart. So far this whole experience has been bitter sweet. Lewis should be here to experience his first grandchild. He should be here to see his daughter become a thoughtful, loving and kind mother. He should be here to enjoy his life that was taken too suddenly. And he should be here, because my heart is broken.

Many of you may have been curious to know if this blog was at an end due to Lewis’ unexpected demise, I am here to tell you that it is not. I am going to start to travel once again, just like Lewis and I had planned. But now without him. I am going to travel, because I have nothing else to do. I do not want to stay in Miami without him and I do not know where else to move to. So off to travel once again I shall go. First, after leaving California I am going to go see my sister in law, her husband and his niece in North Carolina. Lewis and I had planned to go to visit them when we returned home from Bali. I especially now feel a great need to be with people who loved Lewis without question.

I have a few other trips planned prior to going back with my former Remote Year group, whom we had just left in Asia. I shall be meeting up with them in Mexico, then to Portugal, Valencia and for a short time in Morocco. After that trip is completed I am not sure where I will decide to go. Lewis and I had discussed going to many other places, but nothing concrete was decided upon. I do have a group of friends that want to travel with me, including my sister, so I shall just play that by ear.

I will travel until I get tired of traveling or when I am no longer able to do so due to my illness. I believe, as do so many of my friends and family that traveling has kept me alive. While traveling I did not concern myself with my health issues, I just lived every day as if I did not have any issues at all. Sitting home would change all that. Therefore, I have to keep moving, keep my mind active, forget about my cancer and just live everyday to the fullest.

Now more then ever, I firmly believe that you must live every day as if it was your last day of your life. Enjoy your life! Do not take it for granted. Life is not guaranteed. Lewis is gone, but he lived. He had fun, he enjoyed his last days and that is what keeps me going. It will be hard to go on without him. I am lonely even when I am with my friends and family. I lost not only my husband, but my best friend as well. I loved Lewis with all my heart! Fifty years and I still love him. I shall love him until my last breath, but that last breath shall be taken hopefully with a song on my lips and joy in my heart. This I believe is what Lewis would want. No one knows when that last breath will occur, that is why I have to keep doing that which will bring me some sort of happiness, even now. Some sort of reprieve from the empty feelings that I have. If not, my life will be a life not lived. I might as well succumb to the cancer. That I will not do. I will live in spite of it. Cancer will not win nor the grief that I feel. The death of my husband only shows me how much more precious life is.

Life is not merely surviving!!!!