ANOTHER MEDICATION, ANOTHER DECISION

Here I am blogging again, sooner than I thought I would.  You may ask me why, (I hope someone out there is asking that question, someone who cares), and the reason is because I know I have to make a decision about another drug that my doctor wants to put into my body.  It is a drug that will, supposedly, strengthen my bones.  You see I have a blinking light on my celiac bone, which is somewhere near my hip, when I have my Pet scans.  It is a small hot spot, but one that worries my oncologist.  He believes that it is cancer.  I have not had it biopsied, but with all his experience he believes the cancer has spread to that area.  The infusion of this drug every three months is to strengthen my bones in that area and every other area I have bones so that I will not crack my hip, etc., etc..  However, the drug itself can cause joint pain, malaise, tiredness, headaches, muscle aches, problems with your teeth and other nice and interesting side effects. I am going away for a year to have fun, not to be cooped up in an apartment feeling bad.  This would not be my idea of a good time.  I spent a whole night awake thinking about this and I have come to the conclusion that I do not think I am going to take the infusion prior to leaving for the trip.

I am going to get a second opinion from another oncologist that I know and speak to from Sloan Kettering in New York, if I can get an appointment from her.  She is swamped and hard to get an appointment.  If not, I have an appointment with a rheumatologist. I do not want to go to him per se, because this is the product that he has to sell, this and other drugs of its type and of course he is going to tell me to take it.

SIDE NOTE:  Back in 2004, with my first cancer, I again saw 5 oncologists to determine whether or not to get chemotherapy. My first appointment with an oncologist was inconclusive, he said I was in a gray area and he could neither say I needed chemo or if I did not.  That the choice was up to me.  The second oncologist stated that she would throw the book at me and give me a bunch of chemo to make sure it did not return.  She would use the chemical combination that is used in Canada.  And the third doctor stated that he could not recommend chemo or not, a decision that I would have to make and then another one stated chemo is a must.  So, I called the doctor who did my two lumpectomies and asked him.  He, who I will call Dr. D, is a great doctor and a down to earth guy, a doctor I would recommend without a question of a doubt, but who has since retired, said to me that remember Holly, you don’t need radiation, the breast was removed, so the only product that these doctors have to sell you is chemo.  He said this is big business and always keep that in mind.  At that point I decided against Chemo.  About three weeks later, Dr. D called me to tell me about a new experimental procedure that has been developed in California, where they take a slice of the cancer cells themselves and then put the cells into a machine and in some manner determine if chemo is right for you.  He said because it was experimental, we would have to pay for it, insurance would not pay for it and it was expensive.  I did it anyway, to get some peace of mind, some additional justification, for not subjecting myself to chemo.  When it came back the results said that with Tamoxifen alone, I had a 95 percent chance of the cancer not returning.  I said to Lewis, or anyone who would hear me out, that I do not have a 95% chance of coming home from a drive on I95, so I made the right choice.

You may say that I made the wrong choice, because I got cancer again in 2017.  But my retort would be; it was a different cancer than the one in 2004.  Your follow up response may be; you got cancer now from the cancer you had in 2004 so you should have had the chemo back then.  What I would respond to that statement is;  I did the right thing, I made the right choice; I had 16+ fabulous years with my young children, my loving husband, my family that I may not have had if I had gotten chemo.  Chemo is a drug with side effects that I would not wish on my worst enemies. (I could name a few if you so desire.) It in and of itself can kill you or destroy your health in many different ways from what the cancer can do.  I have been told that chemo is quite different now, but even now, I do not know if I would submit myself to it.  

ADDITIONAL SIDE MEDICAL NOTE:  Just so you know, there are five different chemical combinations used in the U.S. when administering chemo and so in reality you have a 20% chance that the chemo you get will actually work.  If you are going to get chemo for sure, then you should, and not every oncologist does this, why I do not know, have the cancer remain in your body and have the doctors test the chemo on your cancer to see if it works.  This way you do not go through a regiment of chemo only to find out that the one that your doctor has chosen does not work.  Chemo is hell and one should not be put through it without some sort of guarantee that it will work for you. 

ALSO, and most importantly I believe that it is the quality of life that is most important not how long you get to live your life.  These are questions that only you can make, not your doctor, not your spouse or your loved ones, but you.  Be strong and do what is right for you.

So now back to the infusion; I am having a Pet Scan in two weeks and I will see what happens with the hot spot, if it does not get bigger, I do not think I will proceed with the medication. It should also be noted that I exercise 4-5 days a week, I am physically active.  I have osteopenia, which most women over 50 has. Also, I will have to return every three to four months to Miami to see my doctor and have a Pet Scan.  I will keep an eye on the hot spot and I will make a decision after each scan.  If no new growth, I will wait to get the infusions when I return home from my travels.