A WEDDING TO REMEMBER

II just got home from California where my daughter got married to a wonderful man and their baby was in attendance. What a beautiful wedding! The location was divine, the food was wonderful and the ceremony was so touching. It was a non-denominational ceremony, a little Khalil Gibran, a little Native Indian folk lore and some Judaism kicked in for good measure. It was truly moving!!!

The wedding would have been perfect, except for the fact that Lewis, my deceased husband and the bride’s father was not there. He was mentioned in the ceremony and it brought tears to my eyes. But it was not enough. He should have been sitting with me, he should have seen his daughter get married, he should have held his grandchild. So many things he should have done, so many important things he should have experienced, it is just not fair!!! I know life is not fair, I know that there is no meaning to any of this, so much is unknown, but the one thing I do know is that I will forever be without the one man I have loved for almost all my life with all my heart. We shall continue to share one thing forever more, the unfairness.

Next week I go for my Pet Scan and then to a visit to the oncologist. There I will find out how my life will proceed. I am not worried, just a bit anxious. I will not allow myself to worry, because by doing so, the Cancer will take over my life and win. Cancer is a condition that I have, but it will not dictate how I live my life. It will change things for sure, but it will not control me. I feel good, have great stamina, a lot of energy, I am enjoying life and I am really not ready to die. So, live I will and I shall take each day as a gift. I shall make the most of each and every day that I have left.

I am going to Costa Rica with a few of my friends at the end of this month. I am meeting up with my son in Milan in July and then I shall go to California to see my daughter and family again. I am not stopping until I have no other choice. I shall seek out joy and laughter. I shall seek a life of fulfillment. I shall tell those I love how I feel. I will spend time with family and friends. I will give to them now that which I would have left them in my will and experience the pleasure it brings them. Find your fulfillment, find your joy and make sure you experience it every day of your life!!! There are no guarantees in life, so don’t waste a moment!!! Be open and loving and don’t sweat the small stuff. But most of all be kind to yourself!!! And breath!!!!

Life is not Merely Surviving!!!!!