A MILESTONE

So I turned 70 last week. Hard to believe that I am now more than three fourths into my life. I am not one of those people who want to live to a hundred. I do not know what age I want to live to, but all I do know is that I do not want to become feeble or not be able to take care of myself, or do all the things I want to do. I especially do not want to suffer from dementia. So, I plan not to live beyond the time that I am no longer enjoying my life or not knowing who I am. I also consider making it to 70 a milestone, because at times I did not think that I would make it to this ripe old age. So it is kind of a big deal.

My son and his fiancé came to Miami to celebrate the occasion with me. It was truly a fun time!! We ate, drank and ran all over town. We went to the Everglades, South Beach, Joes, Miami Zoo, Lincoln Road, SW 8th Street and even Fort Lauderdale all in five days. We did not stop from the moment they arrived until they got back on the plane to go home. It was wonderful!!

But, there was something missing; my Lewis. I felt lonely at times during the celebratory activities I know I had family and friends with me, but still it is not the same. It is not the same if you do not have that someone with you to hold your hand, to give you a hug and a kiss by the person who was always there by your side. It is not the same when your best friend is missing from the party. It is just not the same when his smile is not there that brightens up your whole world. His presence always made me feel whole. His love for me warmed my heart and made me feel important. Losing a person who you love is not easy and it does not seem to get any easier. The only thing that does occur is the intensity of the loss diminishes some and the pain dulls. But there are times that it comes hurtling back and smacks you right between the eyes. A milestone will do it. But, I must say that life itself has been good to me, I have family that loves me and and friends who truly care. So I cannot really complain.

Next week I go for an MRI to check to see what is going on with my liver and iliac bone. It will determine if I am still cancer free. An important test and one that I now get at least every six months. I am not worried. But it still brings to the forefront the realization that yes, I am a victim of Stage 4 cancer.

Even though I just turned 70 and I have Stage 4 cancer and I lost my husband, lover, best friend and sole mate, I am still building a house in Costa Rica. I may only have five, ten, fifteen years to enjoy the house, but what ever time I actually get to enjoy it, it will be mine and it will bring me happiness. I am alive, I am going to live and I am going to find solace, comfort, joy and happiness as if I were still in my early years of life. Costa Rica seems to do that for me, so I am building. The well is in, the electricity is there and hopefully this week I will have the foundation laid.

Find happiness where ever it brings you! Smile whenever and where ever you can. Do things that you never tried before, go where you have never been and talk to everyone that interests you!! Be happy, don’t allow a few hardships stop you!! Because it is you who determines the effect it has on you. Decide to live and enjoy life. Love deeply, laugh often and enjoy the time you have!!

Life is not merely surviving!!!!