TROUBLED WATERS

Troubled waters, failing health. My Petscan came back indicating that I have cancer once again in my Liver, in my lungs and oh yes a new location in my hip. The worst finding, if you can believe that it could get any worse, It showed a Mass in my brain, which is swollen. So my thought for the past month or so that I was getting Dementia was in actuality a result of this mass. So one good result of these findings is that I will die with my mind intact. I have been put on steroids to bring down the swelling and I must say that my mind is starting to go back to its normal self. I went for a brain MRI last week and the report came back indicating that I actually have two masses in my brain. One large and one small. The small one will be removed by radiation, the second, larger one, has to be removed by surgery, because it is not solid and in a location that requires surgery. I will however, get a going away gift of Gamma cells that will remain in my brain, they are radioactive, so that they can kill off any remaining cancer located in the pocket that is left by the surgery. I wonder if when I walk into a dark room, I will glow?? I should be having these procedures sometime later next week. All joking aside, I asked and I was told, that these procedures will not turn me into a vegetable. I am aware that there are no guarantees regarding surgical procedures, but the cancer is not in a bad location and the size, even the big one is located in a fold of my brain, not next to anything that could cause any great harm. God willing!!!! Or whoever makes those decisions.

The worst part about learning about my predicament is the waiting. Not being in control. No ability to make plans. I am not going to Idaho to get my possessions that I want for the Costa Rican house. I have been told by my doctors that they do not want me flying for fear of the swelling of the mass, which could cause more damage. My dear and unbelievable friend is going to help me get what I want shipped to Florida. I must say that I have great friends!!! They have all been so supportive!! I love you all!!!! And my family has come through for me as well!! Much support, love and friendship!!!

I have still been crying, but not for myself it seems. I believe beyond all reason that I am going to get through this once again. I will be tortured for a bit, but I do believe and expect to live a good life for the next ten years! I have been crying every time I think of Lewis. That he is not with me, supporting me, and helping me make such major decisions and of course loving me with all his heart. We loved each other for over 50 years, but we were still in love till the day he died. A big difference. A major difference!

So, I am still building my house in Costa Rica. I am still sending money, via wires, to my chagrin and I am still going to go there once I am through with all of these procedures. I will now have to wait until I have my first infusion of Her2 targeted cancer therapy. It is not chemo, and it is the only choice I have. The pill I was hoping to take for the Braci cells that my cancer had mutated into will not work. They work for a person who carries the gene from birth, but it is not effective enough for a mutated gene ,which is what I have, especially with all the new cancers in my body. I will need to take the infusion every three weeks. So I will be racking up a bunch of frequent flyer miles. It is doable and I will do it!!!

As I have always said, there are no guarantees that you will wake up in the morning! So enjoy every day no matter what is going on in your life. There is always something to smile about. It could just be the mere fact that you did indeed wake up! But do not leave it at that, find happiness, tell that person that you love them, hold out your hand to someone who could benefit from your support, be there as a friend and just do something for yourself, give yourself just a portion of your day, even if it is just 10 minutes, to feel good and know that you are important!!!

Life is not merely surviving!!!!